There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
