I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
