i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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