I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize