Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
