Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My vagina is officially offended.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
