I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
