I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
