You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
