so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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