just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
