You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
