At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
