I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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