go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When did angry sex become our thing?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
