Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
