Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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