Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
