I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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