Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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