I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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