One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
