So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
