My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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