Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
