I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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