Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
