please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
