i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
