I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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