If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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