I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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