yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
