So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
