trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
