I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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