Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
