when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
