I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She's the barista slut.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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