eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
