no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize