Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
