Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
