Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
