giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
