I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i want to swaddle you in tequila
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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