WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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