My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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