Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Mom said you looked used
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
