Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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