i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
