I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
