My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
