Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
