Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
