Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
