So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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