peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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