I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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