so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
