Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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