The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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