My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
