he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
