My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
