i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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