about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
