Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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