I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
