we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
